Confusion
by samaragaunt
Summary: He didn't want to say anything. But who can resist mocha, muffins and a promise not to tell?


AN: Follows Radio, Creep and Seeing.

Spencer was confused.

There were plenty of reasons for this, the first being the very fact that he was confused. Being a genius, this was a very rare situation. He absentmindedly wondered if he should have a plaque made and tape it to the chair he was in.

The main reason he was confused was the effectivity of self-help books. He had once attended a seminar on the effectivity of self help books taught by a renowned professor of psychology, and seeing them have the opposite effect in real life was quite strange. None of the self-proclaimed "bibles" of their genre were supposed to _work._ But apparently, they did.

Spencer had known there was no point in denying his affection for Aaron Hotchner after his small breakdown in the parking lot of a grocery store. He stopped at the local Borders on his way home. Guiltily sneaking his way into the incriminating section, he had searched through the titles. No, he didn't need help with his weight. Or raising children. Self esteem wasn't really the problem... it was more of a cost-benefit analysis. Was the likelihood of Hotch saying yes high enough for the risk of Spencer's job to be worth it? He had shaken his head then, focused back on the task at hand. Not financial help.... not help with getting girls..... Aha!

A promising book lay on the shelf below.

_Flirting for Dummies._

Spencer thought the title was a bit insulting, but it would be just what he needed. Yes, he was a genius, but even he had needed to take a basic chemistry course before taking a college level class. This was the same situation, though the subject was different. He had picked up the book and walked to the nearest checkout with the cover well hidden by his arm.

He had read it three times that very night, determined to ingrain the information to such a level that the words would become reflexive actions. Granted, it hadn't worked quite that way, but he remembered it all. He could hope it would become easier with practice.

The next morning, Spencer was very embarrassed at having had the though of flirting with his boss in the workplace. He spent the morning hiding in Garcia's office. Which snapped him out of his reverie- a month later and Garcia was speaking to him.

"So, Boy Genius, I've noticed you and the White Chocolate Boss Man have been getting friendly lately. What's your secret? I haven't seen anyone coax a smile out of him since Wifey left."

Spencer paled. "Um, well, I've simply been attempting to be more- more cordial and pleasant while in his presence, simply for the purpose of-" he pushed his glasses further up on his nose. "-Of.... professional ease of interaction. Nothing else. Just trying to make our strictly professional environment painlessly functional." He smiled, probably unconvincingly.

Penelope raised one eyebrow, smirked. Waited.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What are you waiting for me to do?"

She faked an airy manner. He knew that she was dying for gossip to fuel her vivid imagination- as well as her Photoshop program, most likely- but he was going to make her work for it. No knowledge was free, after all. "Nothing, Reid, nothing at all. But would I be waiting for something if I got you a mocha every day for a month?"

Dammit. She knew him too well. Spencer was all but addicted to the sugar/caffeine combo, and it was usually out of his price range. Six dollars for a single cup of coffee every day was by all standards ridiculous. Plus, he knew he was a sucker for bribery. "You might be waiting for something if you throw in muffins and whatever you do in Photoshop for the inspiration I might give you."

Both eyebrows disappeared beneath blonde bangs. Garcia smelled some very juicy gossip, and she _would_ have her way. "Two weeks of muffins. And you can have the Photoshopping, as long as I get to keep a backup copy." She giggled. "You drive a hard bargain, Spence."

"Well, it will get harder in a minute." Garcia widened her eyes. A red tinge flushed his cheeks. "Um. Not like that. You simply have to promise not to tell anyone. Not Kevin," she went to cut him off. "No, Garcia, not even Morgan. Or JJ. Or whoever follows you on Tweety or whatever it's called. You have to swear on your li- no, not on your life. Swear on your hard drives." Either she would agree or she wouldn't ask.

Garcia pouted. "On all of my hard drives, Reid?"

Spencer sighed. "Yes. Even the secret backup ones you think no one knows about."

The pout morphed into a glare as she raised her right hand, Boy-Scout style. "I, the Supreme Ruler of All Things Silicon, swear on all my hard drives not to tell another soul- even those on the internet who _depend_ on me for interoffice gossip to soothe their weary souls- a single decibel of what you, Sir Spencer Reid, Genuis of The Round Table, are about to divulge to me on pain of humiliation and possible illicit Photoshopping." The hand slapped down on the table. "Now out with it!"

Spencer rolled his eyes and mentally cringed. He doubted she would agree. However, a promise was a promise. "Fine. I like Hotch."

"Well, of course you like Hotch! We all like H-"

Garcia went silent.

Reid couldn't remember the last time she'd been silent. He doubted her parents could, either. A small wave of pride broke on the shore of his mind.

"Oh my. Reid, Reid, Reid. You don't do things by halves, do you, Genius Boy? I thought maybe JJ or Morgan was trying to get you on the boss's good side so you could beg for some extra time off, or something. Turns out you don't want time off from Hotch, do you? You want time _on_ Hotc-"

"_Garcia!_ Shut up! What if someone hears you?!"

"Sorry." She started to whisper. "You don't know the things I will be doing to the pictures I have on my computer. I might need to have you arrest me. Ooh, even better, you can get Hotch to arrest you. I think you're the type who wouldn't mind handcuffs-"

"Can we not talk about this here? Please? And.... remember, you promised me a copy of the pictures you make." He whispered the last part, looking around the room nervously.

She grinned. "One steaming hot, filthy boy-on-boy-genius coming right up. Now if you'll excuse me," she said, pulling up the team's ID pictures, "I have some editing to do."

Spencer left. Possibly more confused than before.

Especially when he saw Aaron Hotchner on the other side of the doorframe, looking equally confused.

AN: So, if you want to, you can leave me a one-sentence chapter-opener prompt (like "Spencer was confused") for the next chapter/story. It will make me very happy :)


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